Blah Moments

          Have you ever had a blah moment? You know, those days when you don’t want to know or be known by anyone? Every once in a while I have one and while I am spiritually aware of the darkness that surrounds such moments, I am also aware of how subtly my flesh enjoys that darkness.

         My soul (my mind, will and emotions) can sink into the mist of my darkness and, before I know it, set up camp. Like sticks gathered for a nice warm fire, my mind gathers all of its stinky thoughts and along with my will and emotions have a grand ol’ time rehashing the injustices, the pains, the slights, and the unfairness of it all.

          In moments like these, I allow my flesh to rise up and wander down corridors and into doors long since closed and sealed…along with all their dirty little secrets. I feel emotions long since surrendered and I feel the draw of dread, despair or hopelessness.

          Even though everything in me knows better, on occasion, I still allow myself to be sucked in and I make a conscious choice to do nothing. The worst part of it is I begin to identify myself with all that I am feeling.  Ugly, fat, stupid, unwanted, unloved, worthless…the list goes on.

          And then, I hear the sweetest sound.  Oh how I love that sound!  Only He.; the One who is Hope, who speaks to my deepest inmost parts can make this sound,; a sound that is barely a whisper, but it’s enough to capture my attention. (I wish I could put it in a word but I can’t). All I know is I hear it and it causes me to lift my eyes upward, thus breaking hold of the downward spiral.

          With my voice, I cry out and the Comforter is there to counsel me and remind me who I am, who I am not and most importantly, WHOSE I am.
          I am not my bad feelings. I am not my worst moments. I am not my mistakes. I am not defined by any of that.  I am who Father says that I am!

          How are you feeling today?  Are you having a blah moment?

          Stop! Look up! Listen! Remember Whose you are! You are a daughter or The King,; the Most High God!
The One Who Is Holy!

          He, Christ Alone, is our hope, our comfort, our peace, our sanity…our everything!

          Together, let’s kick blah to the curb and stand in the power of Christ, fully persuaded that nothing can or will ever be able to separate us from Him or His love. 

Stephanie Paul

Stephanie Paul serves as part of the Addiction Recovery Team at America’s Keswick as Director of Women’s Addiction Ministry. She has been married for almost 30 years to Sesky Paul who is a graduate of the Colony of Mercy. Stephanie serves alongside him as Care Group leaders in their church. They have two grown children.  Her single focus in ministry at Keswick is to image Christ in grace and truth to wounded and hurting women, encouraging them to make Jesus the truest Lover of their soul and the One in whom all hope lies.

 

One thought on “Blah Moments

  1. Stphanie L. Dickinson says:

    Dear Staphanie:

    Oh, how I HAD to smile to myself as I read this precious writing ! I, too, have had too-many-to-mention “trips down memory lane” through its winding (or shall I say “whining”?!?) corridors. What is it, sister, about trauma to which we
    all seem to be drawn? For instance, when we pass a terrible-looking car accident along the road, why do we slow down
    and gawk? How many of us REALLY stop – while passing by tragedy – and pray for those involved? Do we not secretly
    get some kind of “kick” out of realizing that the event doesn’t include US….do we not inwardly harbor thankfulness
    that those horrible front-page disasters in the newspaper don’t involve OUR families?

    Perhaps some of those examples stray from your message somewhat, but my point is that all of us, to some degree or another, coward into the cobwebbed corners of our nightmare moments and “rehash” the ramifications of those choices
    and/or happenings in our lives. Let us all focus on the “clean slate” which our precious L-rd Jesus offered to us as His
    shed blood left His body for the salvation of ours.

    Thank you, once again, Stephanie, for your beautifully-written message which reminds us to cling to the NEW LIFE
    offered to us through Jesus Christ, and to finally discard the tainting mask of sinful pasts.

    Have a blessed Thanksgiving, and I hope to see you at the upcoming Singles’ event.

    Stephanie Dickinson
    B.S.Min., B.S. B.S., CCLC, CPAC
    Lancaster, Pa.

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