WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE Part 2

The need for some type of spiritual direction led Bill to a large church in Dallas that as he put it; “explained away the bible. They aided me in believing that my lifestyle was okay in the eyes of God and I found comfort in this.” Bill shared that they presented strong arguments conforming God’s word to justify their sins. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah was explained something like this: “the men trying to force themselves on the others were rapes; it was an act of lust, that’s not what we are doing. We’re people in committed monogamous relationships, families; it’s not the same at all.” He wound up meeting and entering into a long term relationship with another man at the church in whom he began to idolize. Someone in Bill’s situation wanted to hear their version of the truth. If they were wrong then his whole life would be wrong and to Bill that just wasn’t an option. Bill knows he was deceived and that so are they. He shared this portion of scripture from 2nd Thessalonians
2 vs. 9-12 “The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders, and with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this reason God will send them strong delusion that they should believe the lie, that they all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
While living in Texas he began to build a successful career as well. He and the man he was involved with had many things the world would consider to be “everything.” This relationship was to them “beautiful”, they traveled together, had cars and a home with all the bells and whistles. He showed me a picture of a room with a piano in it, and when I said; “oh, I didn’t know you could play the piano”. He replied; “I can’t, the piano played itself.” Sounds like they had what they thought was a wonderful life. So why did Bill still want to die? He was trying to fill his loneliness with possessions, drugs, sex and people. He felt he had to move fast to stay in front of his thoughts of depression and death. He took medications to help him with the depression and anxiety but to no avail. One night after a party at his home he overdosed on drugs and stopped breathing. After CPR he woke up in great pain and confusion, this was what normal looked like in his life. He spent that Thanksgiving unable to move or talk and being fed by a stranger God put in his path. Everyone else ran in fear of his dying. Yet four days later Bill continued to abuse himself.
to be continued

This week’s series has been written by Dina based on an interview with Bill Pruitt. Bill has reviewed each day’s Victory Call and has graciously approved their inclusion in our Week’s devotionals.

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE (PART 1)

This week we are sharing the testimony of one of our Colony grads who has recently joined our Keswick staff.

Forty-two years ago in Memphis, Tennessee a baby was born. “Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Pruitt you have a beautiful, gay, baby boy!” Well… that wasn’t quite the way it happened. They did have a beautiful baby boy but he wasn’t born gay. That was a desire he chose to follow some years later. Recently I had the privilege of interviewing Bill Pruitt, currently a full-time intern here at America’s KESWICK.

Bill came to the Colony of Mercy at the urging of his mom and her church. Bill was raised in a Christian home and his mom saw to it that he and his three brothers attended church regularly. His dad was a good provider but worked long hours and wasn’t as much a part of Bill’s daily life.

At the age of twelve Bill says he was saved by Christ but didn’t walk with Him for long. He was longing for intimacy, belonging and love from men. He found himself falling into a homosexual lifestyle early in his teens. Bill made it very clear that he didn’t want to be gay; “the only time I felt comfortable in this sin was when I was high or drunk, this allowed me to tune God out of my life.” He quickly became addicted to drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. While talking with Bill he named more than one substance he abused that I had never even heard of. They were lethal substances and could have killed him, or so he hoped.

Bill was suicidal most of his life. On one hand he had his church and family telling him that his life was all wrong yet the desires inside caused great conflict because he felt that surely a loving God wouldn’t have created him this way and given him such strong desires only to deny him the fulfillment of them. Bill couldn’t handle living a double life any longer. He fled Memphis in an effort to live his life the way he wanted without opposition. He moved to Dallas and continued living exactly as he had in Tennessee. You would think he’d found it peaceful with no one to tell him how wrong it was or how much better God had intended for him. Only, there is no real peace for anyone unless they first have peace with God. The constant inner turmoil and conflict inside of him continued relentlessly.

At the age of 23 he found himself praying to God that he would allow him to go to sleep and never wake up. I asked Bill what he felt at the time that would have accomplished. Would he then be out of this horrific turmoil and mental torture and find peace? Or was it that final choice he would make to kill himself would be the last thing he’d ever have to decide? Or did he even care? He’d be dead. No one there to say; “this is wrong”. I was surprised by his answer, he said; “All I wanted was for the pain to end, I thought it would be a release.”

I have to admit that statement alone, more than anything else he said, gave me the shivers.
What a horrible lie he had been living under. There wouldn’t have been any release from his bondage…not ever. He said he had never thought of where he would be after he died. The destination of his eternal soul wasn’t a real concern to him. He grew up hearing as he put it; “hell, fire and brimstone preaching.” But without the love, compassion and mercy that is also God’s truth. He said; “people need to hear the truth, but they also desperately need to hear about the hope. Jesus said speak the truth in love.”

God answered no to Bill’s prayer that night and would not allow him to die. He found himself attending AA meetings and tried to get his addictions under control himself. He was failing. To be continued… (Written by Keswick staff writer, Dina Seaton)

Great quote: If we do anything to further the kingdom of God, we may expect to find what Christ found on that road – abuse, indifference, injustice, misunderstanding, trouble of some kind. Take it. Why not? To that you were called. In Latin America someone who feels sorry for himself is said to look like a donkey in a downpour. If we think of the glorious fact that we are on the same path with Jesus, we might see a rainbow. Elisabeth Elliot

Daddy’s Voice
I have this memory in my soul. It’s me as a little girl riding in the backseat of our family station wagon. In this memory I hear the sound of my father’s deep voice, singing to the radio. It’s one of the few times I can remember being soothed or calmed by the sound of his voice. It’s absolute beauty to my ears.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my parents lately as each one has just had another birthday. Each birthday that comes and goes is like a slap in the face as it reminds me anew that they are getting older, gulp, and so am I. They are no longer young parents and I am no longer a little girl riding in the back of the car listening with eyes shut to my father’s voice. It’s been at least 2 decades since I heard daddy sing and I miss it. I miss the happiness that was in the midst of his melody.
This is just a glimpse of my thoughts today and I can’t help but to think of my Heavenly Father. I know that any longing I have, He, the Lord had first. I feel it because He did and He wants me, you -all of us- to bring our empty, longing hearts to Him for filling. Father longs to fill us to overflowing so that a new song forms within our breast and with new passion and vigor we sing the song of Moses.
“They sing the song of Moses, the servant of God, and the song of the Lamb, saying:
“Great and marvelous are Your works, Lord God Almighty! Just and true are Your ways, O King of the saints! Who shall not fear You, O Lord, and glorify Your name? For You alone are holy. For all nations shall come and worship before You, for Your judgments have been manifested.”~~ Revelation 15:2-4 New King James Version Stephanie

Faith and Rest

The deadline was rapidly approaching and I had more to do than time to do it. I was working frantically to complete my course requirements and the stress was building. I was down to the final week. Sunday morning I got up and was preparing to go roller blading before church when my husband asked what I planned to do that day. I replied, “After church I’m going to work on my paper the rest of the day”
As I was roller blading, the Lord began to prompt my heart, “What about a day of rest? What happened to all the things I have taught you?” “But Lord, I have way too much to do to take a whole day off. How would I get everything done?” I countered. “Remember the day of rest is for your benefit, not Mine. I’ll give you what you need to get done in one less day” “But Lord, what if I’m wrong and it’s not really you prompting me? What if I take the day off and I’m wrong and don’t finish?” (When we start statements with “But Lord” we should know something’s up).

I didn’t make any decision at that moment other than wait until my devotional Bible reading to see if God confirmed it really was coming from Him.

After church I sat down and picked up my reading right where I left off the previous day. Before I completed the first chapter I read: “Remember the word which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, saying, ‘The Lord your God is giving you rest and is giving you this land.'” Now I was really beginning to believe that God wanted me to have faith, trust Him and rest. I continued reading a few more chapters and just to be sure, I pulled a Gideon, “Lord, would you confirm this again, because I sure don’t want to be mistaken.” Before I finished chapter 4, I was asleep.

Later, I did some reading in a devotional book, in the few short pages the author referred to Hebrews 11:6, “But without faith it is impossible to please God…” Then I remembered during church that morning, three different pastors referred to Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please God…”

I took the day off – off from work, shopping, computer, internet, email, groceries, etc. What did I do instead? What would any grandmother do? I played with my granddaughter, of course. I read, and wrestled with our boxer puppies, I went for a walk. I rested.

It was a refreshing day and it recharged my batteries. I had a fresh new perspective the next day. By the way, I completed my school work also and submitted it on time.

With the pace at which most of us live, we need a day of rest. We NEED a day of rest. It may not be Sunday, but pick one day a week that you can be refreshed in the Lord. It will give you better perspective on the other 6 days.

Diane

Living Water

Human beings need to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Many of us (including me) don’t drink enough water. In the summertime on hot humid days, nothing will satisfy you as a tall glass of cold water.
Many of us are parched and dying of thirst but it isn’t a bottle of Poland Spring water that we thirst for. It is our hearts and our souls that are parched and it is only the True and Living Water that will satisfy. Psalm 42:1 “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.”
Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14. Only Jesus will be able to satisfy our spiritual thirst. Yet so many of us are dying of thirst….why when the answer to our thirst is so close?
A human being can’t survive without water, it is essential to life. We can’t survive without the Living Water that only comes from God. Are you thirsty? Are you parched? Open the Word of God and drink in His Truth, get to know God, pursue God, spend time with God. Not only will your thirst be satisfied but we will be filled to overflowing.
The answer to our thirst is simple…so what is still holding us back? Go and drink “Taste and see the Lord is good…” Psalm 34:8.

Mary Ann

God Himself

I was preparing a Higher Ground lesson from AW Tozer’s book A 31-Day Experience The Pursuit of God when this quote stopped me in my tracks:
“My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace, Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God. ‘Tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His-‘At any cost, dear Lord, by any road!'” F. Brook (pg. 141).
It caused me to pause and ask myself the question: Is my goal God Himself? If my goal is peace, joy and blessing I am setting my sights on the wrong thing. Are any of those blessings God graciously grants us wrong? Absolutely not but they are benefits of our relationship with Jesus Christ not the purpose for our relationship. If we pursue Christ, we will have peace, we will have joy, we will find blessing. Therefore we love God for Who He is not what He can do for us.
As we broke into small groups that night at Higher Ground we meditated on and discussed this quote. It is challenging to ask where our own heart is. Let me encourage you to consider Brook’s thoughts for yourself. Is your goal God Himself?

Diane

Saved for What?
More times that I can count I hear statements which can be summed up as follows:
I know God saved me for a reason.
I know God has some purpose, some high calling for all the pain and suffering God’s going to use her experience in some major way.
Every time I hear statements like that I feel myself cringing inside. I cringe in part because such statements assume and presume much upon the person and character of God.
I remember well the first time I made a similar statement. My son was still a toddler and in his short life had already experienced so much, some of which had been life threatening. In the midst of it, I remember questioning myself (okay, I admit, I talk to myself…a lot) about why he was going through so much. And then after he would pull through, I’d rejoice inside and think or say, “God must have some great plan for my baby’s life. The enemy tried to take him and God said no.”
I finally have an answer which satisfies me, soul and spirit.
We, you, me, all of us are here for one reason, and that is conformity to the image of the Son.
Dear sisters, we’re all on a journey. Those of us who are born again into the life of Christ are on a journey with Heaven as the final destination. Everything we go through is leading us and guiding us toward being more like Him…if we allow ourselves to be renewed and transformed by His Living Word.
I have received more faith with this revelation, more confidence, and more hope, to believe the truth, THE TRUTH! I am a new creation!!
Dear ones, we haven’t been saved to wander in the wilderness wondering why. We don’t have to wander or wonder what is His will for us. We can cross the hard and rocky places of our lives, the dry, parched deserts and step into His Word, allowing ourselves to be changed by His Spirit and set free!
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. ~~Corinthians 3:17-18 (NIV) Selah Stephanie

Encouragement

Hebrews 10: 24-25 “…Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…”
Romans 12:6, 8 “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a [woman’s] gift is…encouraging, let [her] encourage.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

What does it mean to encourage someone?
1 a : to inspire with courage, spirit, or hope b : to attempt to persuade
2 : to spur on
3 : to give help or patronage to
ENCOURAGE means to fill with courage or strength of purpose…suggests the raising of one’s confidence. 1
Encouragement is a gift we all need to be giving one another on a regular basis. It doesn’t cost us a thing and most times is worth a million bucks. How many times have you lacked the courage to do the very thing you know you must do and someone came along side you, encouraged you and prayed for you? Perhaps you had a season of trials in your life, a time of grief, or a time of discouragement. Then just when you needed it most a sister in Christ called, sent a note or perhaps even showed up on your door step. Or have you ever felt the prompting from the Holy Spirit to do one of those things for someone else? You have an irresistible urge to call or visit or perhaps you woke up at 3 a.m. and God placed someone on your heart. Too many times we brush that off or even say I’ll get to that later…but later never comes. Then you find out it was at that very time this friend needed the strength, courage or endurance that comes from God alone.
I don’t think any of us wants to miss these opportunities to encourage and bless another because there will be a time when we will need the very same thing and we certainly don’t want someone else ignoring the Holy Spirit’s promptings!
So…is there someone you can’t get off your mind? Start now by praying and then maybe give a call or even stop by. You will be glad you did because you will know that was just what the Holy Spirit was prompting you to do.

MaryAnn

Too Wonderful for me…

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. Psalm 139:6

I have been involved in many conversations with people about the Biblical doctrine of Election, Predestination, God’s Sovereignty, damnation of the lost, why God created Satan, etc. You know the questions none of us have the definitive answers to. Then there are the questions innocent minds of children ask like, “Who made God?” “When was God born?” and “How big is God?” There are definitely questions we do not have the answers for, nor were we meant to.
There was a time when not being able to grasp a truth about God, such as His eternality, I would get overwhelmed and anxious. Now, I find comfort in knowing that God is beyond my ability to comprehend. If I could comprehend God, He would be no greater than me. Scary thought.
God is knowable. God is not comprehendible.
“The best and safest way to deal with these truths is to raise our eyes to God and in deepest reverence say, “O Lord, Thou knowest.” These things belong to the deep and mysterious Profound of God’s omniscience.”1

Sometimes the answer is : I don’t know. Although it doesn’t make sense to us, it makes sense to God.

The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law. Deuteronomy 29:29

Diane

Under The “Doggie Pile”
When my children were small and we found my husband lying on the floor I would yell out- Doggie pile on Daddy! One by one we would fall down on top of him and have a good laugh as he would pretend to be unable to breathe and gasp as we leaned on him even harder! This past week I had come to my mind a picture of myself under the doggie pile. I found myself saying I can’t breathe as the trials had jumped on me one by one. It seems to happen to me this way- life goes well for a period of time and then some voice I didn’t hear yelled “Doggie pile on Kathy!” But this isn’t a game. This is life and this is the hurts of life ganging up on me.
The last time I found myself under the doggie pile I crawled out and headed straight for the pit of depression. For a brief period of time I came from my pit to attend the Higher Ground Bible Study on Monday nights. At that time the study was Believing God by Beth Moore. Although I was unable to finish the series with the group I was able to finish on my own. I began to have enough tools to get the rest of the way out of the pit. Now as I peer from under the doggie pile again I am straining to breathe. For about 24 hours I was unable to cry and unable to pray. But now I am reaching for my tools not crawling to the pit. From under the doggie pile I reach for:
1. God. Even if for 24 hours or less I was unable to pray I knew that Jesus was at the right hand of God interceding on my behalf. (Romans 8:34) I reached for truth even if I could say nothing at the moment.
2. Sisters in Christ. Knowing that Satan loves to isolate us I refused to allow myself to be alone for too long. I called on my sisters in Christ to listen and to pray. I asked for help and allowed myself to be transparent. I showed up on the doorstep of a friend uninvited and unannounced. At that point my numbness and shock fell from me and I was able to finally cry. The following day God even brought my sisters to me- they were on my list to contact for prayer- but with godly wisdom on their lips they came to me! God is good!
3. The Word. I didn’t run to open my Bible but rather the Holy Spirit brought scripture from my toolbox to me. I awoke this morning hearing “you are struck down but not destroyed”. The full verse from 2 Corinthians.4:8-9 reads : “We are afflicted in everyway, but not crushed; perplexed but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed.

From under my doggie pile I remember the Five Statement Pledge from Believing God:
God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ.
God’s Word is alive and active in me.
I’M BELIEVING GOD!
I hope that if you reached from under your doggie pile to read this today that you will continue to reach for God, for His truth in your situation and for a trusted Sister in Christ.
It has helped me to start to breathe again!
Kathy