The following test is found in Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke (pages 30-31). If you still don’t know if you are helping or enabling, these questions may help you know for sure.

1. Have you repeatedly loaned your adult child money, which has seldom , if ever, been repaid?
2. Have you paid for education and/or job training in more than one field?
3. Have you finished a job or project that he failed to complete himself because it was easier than arguing with him?
4. Have you paid bills he was supposed to pay himself?
5. Have you accepted part of the blame for his addictions or behavior?
6. Have you avoided talking about negative issues because you feared his response?
7. Have you bailed him out of jail or paid for his legal fees?
8. Have you given them “one more chance” and then another and another?
9. Have you ever returned home at luchtime (or called) and found him still in bed?
10. Have you wondered how he gets money to buy cigarettes, video games, new clothes, and such but can’t afford to pay his own bills?
11. Have you ever “called in sick” for your child, lying about his symptoms to his boss?
12. Have you threatened to throw him out but didn’t?
13. Have you begun to feel that you’ve reached the end of your rope?
14. Have you begun to hate both your child and yourself for the state in which you live?
15. Have you begun to worry that the financial burden is more than you can bear?
16. Have you begun to feel that your marriage is in jeopardy because of this situation?
17. Have you noticed growing resentment in other family members because of this situation?
18. Have you noticed that others are uncomfortable around you when the issue arises?
19. Have you noticed an increase in profanity, violence, and/or other unacceptable behavior from your adult child?
20. Have you noticed that things are missing from your home, including money, valuables, and other personal property?

So… are you a helper or an enabler?

Kathy Withers

Kathy’s on staff at America’s KESWICK in the Development Department. Kathy has been married to her husband Dave for almost 25 years. They have two adult children. Kathy is active in her local church and has previously served as a Teaching Director for Community Bible Study. Her passion is to encourage women to deepen their walk with Jesus Christ by finding and living out the truths of God’s Word.

DIGGING DEEPER
Psalm 101:7
No one who practices deceit
shall dwell in my house;
no one who utters lies
shall continue before my eyes.

Being a parent of prodigals is similar to a roller coaster ride…plenty of ups and downs! There are good days when I am confident of God’s work in the lives my children and days when I wonder if God heard my prayers. With each twist and turn of life my desire is to just know that I am doing the right thing for Dave and I and for my children. My daughter has asked to come home for a few months. (Long story!) And my son finally called. (REALLY long story!) He also wants to come home one week a month over the summer to accomplish some work. So, what do we do? I just want to know what the right thing is! The last thing I want to do is to get in God’s way. If coming home would in any way delay what God needs to accomplish in their lives then the answer is no.

As I was praying for the answer I was reading a book called Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. The following definitions show the difference between helping and enabling and clarified the decision we needed to make: “Helping is doing something for someone that he is not capable of doing himself.” “Enabling is doing for someone that he could and should be doing for himself.” (Page 29)

I felt it was right to allow them to come home temporarily. They are not asking for bills to be paid for them. They are not unwilling to abide by the house rules. They understand that there are consequences if the rules are broken. They understand that there is a deadline to move out. They understand that they can visit but not live here after the deadline. They know that a revolving door is not being installed.

As always when I am in any situation with my children I think of my Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him. Do I come to Him for help or do I just want Him to fix everything for me? Do I understand that there are consequences to my disobedience? Do I allow God to do the hard things in my life; not expecting everything to be made easy for me? Am I participating with and allowing God’s work to be accomplished in me?

Kathy Withers

Kathy’s on staff at America’s KESWICK in the Development Department. Kathy has been married to her husband Dave for almost 25 years. They have two adult children. Kathy is active in her local church and has previously served as a Teaching Director for Community Bible Study. Her passion is to encourage women to deepen their walk with Jesus Christ by finding and living out the truths of God’s Word.

DIGGING DEEPER
Psalm 101:6
I will look with favor on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
he who walks in the way that is blameless
shall minister to me.

In his book, “The Treasury of David,” Charles Spurgeon calls this Psalm of David, “The Psalm of Pious Resolution.” He says, “This is such a Psalm as the man after God’s own heart would compose when he was about to become king of Israel. It is David all over, straight forward, resolute, devout; there is no trace of policy or vacillation, – the Lord has appointed him to be king, and he knows it, therefore he purposes in all things to behave as becomes a monarch whom the Lord Himself has chosen.”1

As you read, meditate, memorize and reread this Psalm this week, consider your own resolutions. As we are daughters of the King we, too, ought to purpose in all things to behave in such a way that is becoming of one who is chosen.

6. My eyes shall be on the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me; He who walks in a perfect way, He shall serve me.

7. He who works deceit shall not dwell within my house;He who tells lies shall not continue in my presence.

8. Early I will destroy all the wicked of the land,That I may cut off all the evildoers from the city of the LORD.

1 The Treasury of David Volume II, page 239

Psalm 101:1-5

We have passed the half way mark. If you have been memorizing each week’s passage you have added 159 verses to your arsenal. Perhaps memorizing an entire passage is overwhelming. Why not select one, just one, from this week’s selection. I would love to hear how God is using these Digging Deeper verses to bless your heart. I have heard from some of you, but I know there are a LOT more of you out there.

1 I will sing of steadfast love and justice;
to you, O LORD, I will make music.
2 I will ponder the way that is blameless.
Oh when will you come to me?
I will walk with integrity of heart
within my house;
3 I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless.
I hate the work of those who fall away;
it shall not cling to me.
4 A perverse heart shall be far from me;
I will know nothing of evil.
5 Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly
I will destroy.
Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart
I will not endure.

Have you noticed the recurring theme in our weekly verses? The steadfast love of God is recounted over and over and over. Sooner or later we will let it sink in. God’s love for us is eternal, unwavering, steadfast. He loves you. You can not do anything that will change His mind about you. That kind of love is, well, nothing short of remarkable. Tarry there a moment. Consider His steadfast love for YOU!!

Diane

Diane Hunt is the Director of Addiction Recovery Ministries and Acting Director of Development at America’s KESWICK. In addition to her Keswick responsibilities which keep her busy, she loves to read, write and teach, travel and laugh with her grandchildren. Diane has been married to her husband John over 25 years. She has 2 children, 2+ grandchildren, 3 step-children, and 7 step-grandchildren.

Psalm 100 Points to Ponder
1 Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
2 Serve the LORD with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!
3 Know that the LORD, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
5 For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.

Points to Ponder:
In a world where things seem to be unraveling with earthquakes, floods, oil spills, wars, suicide bombers, declining economies, legalisation of gay marriages and marijuanna for medicinal purposes, and addiction, and…and…and….it would be ever so easy to feel dragged down, fearful and depressed. Except….. With God in the picture, everything, everything, everything changes. We belong to HIM. And He cares for us as a shepherd cares for his sheep, with tender care. God is Good. Not one day, not one moment, has God ceased to be good. He is Good. And His steadfast love and his faithfulness endure. The ONLY constant in this world is its Creator, Sustainer – the ONE TRUE GOD. Let us come into His presence with singing…Give thanks to Him; bless His name.

Diane

Diane Hunt is the Director of Addiction Recovery Ministries and Acting Director of Development at America’s KESWICK. In addition to her Keswick responsibilities which keep her busy, she loves to read, write and teach, travel and laugh with her grandchildren. Diane has been married to her husband John over 25 years. She has 2 children, 2+ grandchildren, 3 step-children, and 7 step-grandchildren.

2 Samuel 24

I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand all of this passage, but I want to make observations on what I do understand.

First, David did not please the Lord.

Apparently wanting to take a census of all of the fighting men David had at his disposal constituted an ego trip on David’s part.
v 2. So the king said to Joab and the army commanders with him, “Go throughout the tribes of Israel from Dan to Beersheba and enroll the fighting men, so that I may know how many there are.”

God uses even our helpers to guide us, but we need to be willing to listen.
v 3. ...But why does my lord the king want to do such a thing?

However, David was the King, and as King, he could do whatever he wanted to do; and he did!
v 4. The king’s word, however, overruled Joab and the army commanders; so they left the presence of the king to enroll the fighting men of Israel.

v 9. Joab reported the number of the fighting men to the king

It didn’t take David long to be convicted of his sin because, in spite of himself, his heart was tender toward God.
v 10. David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the LORD, ‘”I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O LORD, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing.'”

We see an example for us. When we have sinned, we must confess our sins right away and God will always be compassionate toward us.

We also see through this passage that God uses others to speak reproof to us, and our sins can affect innocent people.

v 11-15 Before David got up the next morning, the word of the LORD had come to Gad the prophet, David’s seer: “Go and tell David, ‘This is what the LORD says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you.’ So Gad went to David and said to him, ‘Shall there come upon you three years of famine in your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plague in your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me.’ David said to Gad, ‘I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the LORD, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men.’ So the LORD sent a plague on Israel from that morning until the end of the time designated, and seventy thousand of the people from Dan to Beersheba died.

As we read further in this passage, we see that even the Lord was grieved because so many were paying for David’s sin and had died.

There are consequences for our sins and often times others have to pay the price; such as victims of abuse, families of murder victims, victims of alcoholics, etc., etc.

But the thing that this passage teaches us is that while there is always a price to pay for sin, forgiveness is available to us.

Dear Lord, please keep our hearts tender so that others do not have to be victimized by our sins. Thank you for being so tender and forgiving toward us. Amen

Marilyn Willett Heavilin

Marilyn is a wife and mother, author, and international conference and retreat speaker. She and her husband Glen serve as Counselors-in-Residence at America’s KESWICK during the summer months.

DIGGING DEEPER
Psalm 100
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!
5 For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.